Even before my eyes open I know what kind of day it will be. I lay there trying to decide how I'm going to attack the day. When you deal with chronic pain you just know how your day will go. As I slowly get out of bed, I make note the most painful parts of my body. I take a grim stock of my pain level for the day. Head hurts, hmmm, my skin hurts. My knees, neck and lower back all hurt. Wonder what I did to trigger this flare.
I am tired of the daily fight to be productive. I know better than to give into the pain. So I mentally go over the things that I wish to accomplish and start to prioritize them. Getting dressed is not as important as homeschooling. Do I do laundry or dishes? Vacuuming the steps can wait for another day. Dinner is easy if I can hold the migraine at bay.
Some time ago this would have been frustrating, but now it is part of my routine. The years I have spent with chronic pain have taught me to meter out my energy in small doses. My "do a little, sit a little" mantra rings loud and true. Still, I can't help feeling a little down as I shrink the list of things I will accomplish today.
Wow, the energy required to shrink my list makes me need a nap. Guess a second cup of coffee will have to do. I am required to assist in math review. Sometimes it hurts to exist, but I would not change my path. I am strong in ways I never thought possible.
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