Friday, October 18, 2013

You just know

Even before my eyes open I know what kind of day it will be. I lay there trying to decide how I'm going to attack the day.  When you deal with chronic pain you just know how your day will go.  As I slowly get out of bed, I make note the most painful parts of my body. I take a grim stock of my pain level for the day.  Head hurts, hmmm, my skin hurts. My knees, neck and lower back all hurt.  Wonder what I did to trigger this flare.  
I am tired of the daily fight to be productive.   I know better than to give into the pain.  So I mentally go over the things that I wish to accomplish and start to prioritize them.  Getting dressed is not as important as homeschooling. Do I do laundry or dishes?  Vacuuming the steps can wait for another day. Dinner is easy if I can hold the migraine at bay.
Some time ago this would have been frustrating,  but now it is part of my routine.  The years I have spent with chronic pain have taught me to meter out my energy in small doses.   My "do a little,  sit a little" mantra rings loud and true.   Still, I can't help feeling a little down as I shrink the list of things I will accomplish today.  
Wow, the energy required to shrink my list makes me need a nap.  Guess a second cup of coffee will have to do.  I am required to assist in math review.  Sometimes it hurts to exist, but I would not change my path. I am strong in ways I never thought possible.

No comments:

Post a Comment